Hi J, thank you so so much for your reply!
I'm only on a low dose of estrogen at the moment -- 25 mcg patch -- because I had a really bad reaction to progesterone in any form (orally, vaginally, via Mirena -- anything from eczema/rosacea to trapped wind to tons of acne [also the Mirena made me itch!!]), so I refused to take any more. I read online about a woman who'd done the same (via that msjekyllhyde blog, which I credit with keeping me alive to this point). My understanding is that the low estrogen prescription is because I'm not taking progesterone, otherwise my uterine lining could build up dangerously (I'm having a scan next month to check for this).
Rationally I can understand that it could take some months for things to be fully suppressed, but part of me just thinks, well, isn't it just like flipping a switch?! Off should be off! Plus my experience with Synarel sounded like, in retrospect, like it was only partially suppressing me, and the thought that this might be happening again makes me super-miserable.
Last month, I did have a few moments where things felt clearer, and when I had what felt like a usual PMS/ovulation-related mood plunge, it seemed to last a shorter length of time than usual (in other words, I didn't spend an entire weekend hiding under a blanket on the couch, it passed quicker than that

). It's just so hard when you feel like you're just left guessing: was that the Decapeptyl starting to work? Is it working now? Is it not working? Is it working, but because of the additional stress of the holidays/winter darkness/etc. I'm struggling anyway? (Also because I'm not having a period, and haven't had one for most of the year due to Mirena, etc. I feel like I can't even predict when I 'should' be having horrible mood, because I have no idea what point in my cycle I might be at, which also makes me feel powerless and stuck...)
I'm just so discouraged by being told to wait and see all the time, even when I rationally know that probably just has to happen, because waiting & seeing hasn't done me any good so far.
