NAPS Forum

My long-suffering boyfriend!
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Author:  alanna [ Sat May 11, 2013 3:01 pm ]
Post subject:  My long-suffering boyfriend!

I have no idea why, but my PMS always seems to be aimed in my boyfriend's direction. It may be because I live with him or I'm most relaxed with him, but I never (or very rarely) take it out on my friends, family or colleagues (who I actually spend more time with). It also seems to be at its worst on weekends when I'm with him, never mid-week. I remember reading somewhere that our bodies want to get pregnant (whether we want to or not) and PMS is our body's way of pushing away men who don't get us pregnant - which sounds mad, but I do wonder why I turn on him and find all these faults with him that I don't care about the rest of the time. Luckily he's very forgiving, but I always feel terrible after I 'let rip' at him, something I never do when I'm not premenstrual.

Author:  pmddsurvivor [ Mon May 13, 2013 5:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

Hi Alanna,

My partner was the same in that he bore the brunt of my premenstrual rage. We live together too and I think that is where the problem lay - we were too close and I tended to hurt those closest to me when I was suffering. Are you able to talk openly and honestly to him about it? Does he understand? Do you take any medication or therapies to help your PMS? There are so many options available it might be worth looking into for you own well being as well as the relationships well being. Do you drink alcohol on the weekends and not mid week? I found mine was always worse after a few drinks. Lots to consider. x

Author:  alanna [ Thu May 16, 2013 12:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

Hi there, thanks very much for replying. My boyfriend is very understanding, but I know he finds it extremely hard when I'm in the middle of PMS. I basically become super sensitive and overreact to tiny things, so he's walking on eggshells for days. It also makes socialising quite fraught as I don't feel I have much control over myself during PMS! But he knows I'm doing everything I can to beat it: I've been taking Prozac for the last two weeks in the hope that it will help - I gave up caffeine, alcohol and sugar a year ago for the same reason, and I exercise almost daily.

I also worry about what it would be like if I had children - I don't want to be a premenstrual mother, because my mum had PMS and it made for quite a rollercoaster childhood! Has anyone found their PMS improved after having children? My doctor said this could happen x

Author:  Saskia [ Sat May 18, 2013 9:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

alanna wrote:
I also worry about what it would be like if I had children - I don't want to be a premenstrual mother, because my mum had PMS and it made for quite a rollercoaster childhood! Has anyone found their PMS improved after having children? My doctor said this could happen x

You probably don't want to hear this, but my PDD has gotten worse. My first pregnancy was wonderful; I felt great, LOVED being pregnant, was absolutely over the moon with, well... everything.

My second pregnancy was a disaster, absolute HELL. We all hated it (me).

The worst part of PMDD is my behaviour against our sons. I hate it. I really, REALLY try not to be mean or grumpy or whatever, but I fail every month. My eldest is 10 yo and I talk to him about it. He knows what hormones can do. He tries to stay low-key and although that helps, I really hate he has to do this. Am I making sense?

I've told my best friends that they should leave me alone for 1 week in the month. I fear I will lose my friend if they don't.

And my poor husband... As soon as my periods start I make up for my dreadfull behaviour. Thank go for those 2-3 weeks...

Author:  pmddsurvivor [ Sat May 18, 2013 10:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

I agree with Saskia, Alanna. From everything I have read over the years, it seems that PMDD gets worse after pregnancy, not better. I had hoped to have a family but in the end I had to have a hysterectomy so never got round to it. It's a mixed blessing I think. My mother (I am convinced) had PMDD and whilst my childhood holds many happy memories for me, there are also some horrible ones, which I put down to her hormones. Obviously there are many women who have children who also have PMDD and can manage with various treatments but it's definitely worth considering all options beforehand. x

Author:  alanna [ Sat May 18, 2013 12:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

Hi there, thanks very much for your replies - to be honest, that's what I was expecting, and I thought the idea that pregnancy could cure it was too good to be true, and probably an old wives' tale (my doc is quite old).

I'm sure my mum had PMS (I remember random mood changes and plates being thrown), but she thinks she was just stressed because of having tiny children - it was probably both - the stress making the PMS much worse.

I think I might start a new discussion about stress - the only time I don't get PMS is if I'm on holiday, so there's definitely a link for me! Thanks again.

Author:  pmthater [ Mon May 20, 2013 8:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

Hi Alana,

I have a boyfriend too and I love children and had also hoped that a good old pregnancy would help solve the problem - from what I can tell its likely to get worse but also there is a chance it can reduce.

I also think its the way you handle it so for me now, I could potentially have a child now and get the nine months relief but deep down i'm not ready yet and this wouldn't help in the long-run!

So I'm trying to find a treatment now that works so that after pregnancy i'll have some kind of ammunition - You'll see from my other posts that I use a hormone to try and help and I wonder if literally the day after I give birth and I go back on that- the pms won't have a chance to rear its ugly head.


Author:  alanna [ Mon May 20, 2013 11:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

Hi pmthater, it sounds like we're in a similar position - wanting to have kids (one day) but wanting to cure our PMS before we do! I'm also trying to find a treatment that works (I'm trying a low dose of Prozac first). At the same time, I know it might not be possible to cure myself, and I might be a premenstrual mum like my mum was - to be honest she was still a brilliant mum despite her moods, so it won't be the end of the world.

I also wanted to say to Saskia that you mustn't blame yourself for how you are with your sons. I don't blame my mum for how she was, because I know it was PMS. When I have PMS there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to control it. A few years ago I went to the funeral of my (then) boyfriend's father - the most inappropriate place in the world to be moody, but I was premenstrual and I got in a massive sulk with my boyfriend for not talking to me enough. I cringe so much to remember that, but it proves to me that when I'm in the middle of PMS I can't control myself. You haven't 'failed' when you get PMS, any more than someone who gets ill has 'failed'. PMS is a health condition, a syndrome, and I'm sure your sons see everything you're doing to try to manage it. So be kind to yourself - it's not your fault! x

Author:  aliandal [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

I had my first child 3 years ago and I'm sorry to report that my PMS became the worst it has ever been and I am now on meds long term. It is encouraging to know that you should be FREE from symptoms during your pregnancy, however Post natal depression and PMS are very closely linked. And yes I got terrible PND with panic attacks. Although it has been a very difficult 3 years, now that I finally have a diagnosis and understand my condition we are now very happy, healthy, stable and planning another pregnancy. It isn't all doom and gloom - you can have kids and be happy.

Author:  Crystal [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 3:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: My long-suffering boyfriend!

I have had terrible pmdd since I was 14 and can honestly say that, if anything, it got worse after pregnancy. Ive never heard anyone say they were better after pregnancy. I have had a doctor say this to me too years ago and then more recently a doctor said it to my daughter, who also has pmdd. Its a complete load of rubbish and I wish they would stop saying it to women. Pregnancy certainly is not a cure and they need to refer you to a specialist gynae who knows how to treat pmdd. Sorry, but it really makes me mad that doctors are always telling women this! :x

I hope you can find a solution that suits you. I would lose my temper with my family regularly when I was like this but I had to remove myself from the room if I found myself getting angry at the kids. I found if I left the room and breathed deeply for 30 seconds that I would calm down a bit. Its always those nearest and dearest who bear the brunt even though we love them.

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